Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Cincinnati Reds: Queen City Cheddar Sausage

When you hunt large mythical creatures, you have to steel yourself for disappointment. Sometimes you bag Sasquatch, sometimes you get fooled by Nessie. I researched the biggest, baddest dog available at Great American Ballpark, and every indicator pointed toward downing a “Meat Lovers Dog” in order to bag the beast that lurks within the ballpark. One website proclaimed it was the perfect hot dog for men who had no expectations of reaching 50 years of age. Being over 50, I was willing to take my chances...for science of course.

Then the hunt took a turn for the worse. I circled the main concourse THREE times: no joy. Then I did the most unmanly thing a strapping young buck like myself could do: I asked for directions. I queried several hot dog stands and no one had heard of the Meat Lovers Hot Dog. I stopped by fan services and sought assistance. They placed a call to Commissioner Gordon or some other authority figure and came up with the same: no Meat Lovers Hot Dog.

I suppose that is one of the downfalls of the internet, out of date data never gets purged. At some point this meaty monster was available for consumption by the the average fan, but I’ll be damned if I could find it. The phone call placed by fan services steered me to the Queen City Sausage realm. In case you didn’t know it, Cincinnati was once the hog slaughtering capital of the United States and is known in some circles as “Porkopolis.” As you know, I love local, and Queen City Sausage is about as local a meat supplier as you can get. So I settled for a Queen City Cheddar Sausage instead of the dogged dog that dodged me. It was like hunting for a moose and ending up with a rabbit.

Appeal-Locals rave about Queen City Sausage, and it just sounded good. A locally made cheesy sausage on a bun. 5

Ingredients-the sausage was superb. The bun was kind of mushy and the condiments were sparse and troublesome. I put relish and brown mustard on mine. The relish was sort of watery and the pump brown mustard was nearly empty so my tenth pump blasted way too much of the stuff at about 1000 psi onto my dog. See picture. 3.5

Uniqueness-other than it sporting a great local choice of meat, nothing unique about this dog.

Monstrosity Factor-when I think brat or sausage on a bun, I think gigantic. This was about the same size as a regular hot dog. 3

Value-a sausage on a bun for $6.75 at an MLB venue is not bad. But I still needed a Skyline five-way to satisfy my hunger. 4

Overall Taste-putting the overdose of mustard and weak relish aside, the locals really do know what they are talking about when it come to pig. The Queen City Sausage was a top notch, natural casing wurst. 5
The Reds are fortunate to pull out a 23 considering a visiting fan would have their sights set on a monster dog. I recommend bringing it back, or introducing an oversized Queen City variant. Something to compete with other ballparks. With the reputation that Cincy has with pork, they should capitalize on that relationship and introduce a dog that would satisfy a small army. Until then, I will be looking for leprechauns along the banks of the Ohio.

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