Thursday, August 6, 2015

Toronto Blue Jays: Footlong Hot Dog

The hunt for the most monstrous dog in the MLB goes international. I love visiting Toronto, the only MLB team not in the United States. Cool city and a unique ballpark. Know what I don’t like? The border crossing. I have crossed dozens of borders in my lifetime, including Russia and other not-so-nice places. Facing the Canadian border patrol is the only place on the globe I feel like I am being interrogated by the Gestapo, and I always end up walking away like I am guilty of something, I just haven’t figured out what yet. I don’t know whether to be annoyed or wish that our border security could be as tough.

I ended up at the Rogers Centre without a trip to the immigration detention facility and snagged a sweet seat just behind home plate, albeit about 20,000 feet up. I was treated to a grand slam and a few other homers before I had to bag it out of Canada. What you may not know about Canadians is that they are gagagoogoo for pizza. The Canucks eat more pizza than any other MLB fans. With that, you would think they would have some super dog that is the talk of Toronto in their meat lineup. What they do have is a footlong Schneider’s frank that is grilled at a specialty stand. Not only is it long, it is thick. Lots of meat in this frank. But ultimately, it had issues. Take a look at the photos, it is the picture of what seems the perfect dog. But read on dear reader.

Appeal-being advertised as a footlong doesn’t help. Despite the truth in advertising it needs a name that shakes the cobwebs. How about “The Titanic Toronto Treat?” 4

Ingredients-this is where the real trouble starts. The foundation of a good dog is a nice soft but. This bun was very stale. I informed the vendors, and they explained that the buns had been frozen and there was nothing they could do about it. They were apologetic, but apologies taste lousy on a bun. 3

Uniqueness-it’s a footlong. 2.5

Monstrosity Factor-if you didn’t come too hungry, one dog will dog you. It is a large frank, and if you pile on the toppings it can be a meal. 3.5

Value-the price of $7.60 (US) would be a deal if the bun were fresh. 4

Overall Taste-I had to slather on some chipotle sauce to make up for the dry, stale bun. It was actually pretty tasty if the bun soaked up enough sauce. You know what happens when your bun is stale? The bun splits and you lose your ingredients. 3.5
When you start with a bad bun things go downhill quickly, and that is what drove the overall score of 17 for the Toronto Blue Jays. I will say that that the Rogers Centre has the best selection of condiments in all of baseball. Huge variety and all top quality toppings. If you get a fresh one it would probably be a much better experience then I had. In fact, get two. Hold one for a snack in case the Canadian border patrol place you in the slammer for not being able to recite the last five Stanley Cup winners.

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