Sunday, June 7, 2015

Minnesota Twins: Brat Dog

Did you ever have one of those days? Mine started with pulling into a Toyota dealership in Bloomington, Minnesota to check on a design flaw in my trusty steed. They ended up doing everything except what I wanted and I had to cut them short, demand my keys and run off in order to keep from missing the game. The lateness made it impossible to find free parking, and I hate to pay for parking (you do know I am on a budget don’t you?). Only to find out that the game was sold out and the Twins are pretty much ripping fans off by demanding $25 for a STANDING ROOM ONLY ticket. You can’t conduct nuclear experiments without uranium, and you can’t test the specialty dogs at a ballpark outside of the park. I ended up taking a hit for science and forked over 25 clams for entry. Inside the ballpark the main concourse was jam packed with fans traversing the stadium in two large groups. One going clockwise around the concourse on the outer edge of it, the other counter-clockwise on the inner edge. The diverging circles of rotating humanity will eventually cause a riff in the space/time continuum and suck me into another dimension. I had to get out of there. To make matters worse, no one knew where I could find the Twins specialty dog. Even guest services had no clue. I knew I had seen it on the internet during my research and that was what I used to finally guide me to the one item that would make a difficult day on the road right again.

The Brat Dog is only available in Hrbek’s. A pub-style restaurant located inside Target Field named after the Twin’s former formidable first baseman,. That is where I met the ballpark equivalent of the turducken. It consists of a hot dog, stuffed inside of a bratwurst, wrapped in bacon. Really. And that is just the meat. It sits inside of a pretzel bun and topped with grilled onions and peppers. If you like meat you will love this dog. Both frank and brat are quality offerings from the Sheboygan Sausage Company. The brat outshines the dog with its grainy texture but all three meats are delicious.

Appeal-oddly, with a monster like this, the moniker Brat Dog does not do it justice. If I had not researched this dog I would not have sought it out. 4

Ingredients-everything on this dog is magnificent and delicious and top quality. 5

Uniqueness-John Madden would be proud of the meat-in-a-meat-in-a-meat concept. 5

Monstrosity Factor-when served it looks smaller than you might expect. But don’t be fooled. There is a ton of meat on that bun. It comes cut in half for good reason: it is enough of a meal to share. I finished it, but I was famished….and full when done. 5

Value-it cost $12, but two moderately hungry fans could make a meal of it, plus it comes with fries. 5

Overall Taste-absolutely delicious. 5

A near perfect score of 29 for the Minnesota Twins’ Brat Dog lands it in a tie for first place. The only thing holding it back from perfection? The name. If I didn’t know better (and the average fan won’t) I would think it was just a brat on a bun. It needs a new name that makes it stand out. Friends and followers have already suggested “The Tri-Pig” and “The Coronary Killer.” What do you think it should be called? Kent Hrbek call me.

I strongly suggest you get out to Target Field and down one while you can. While it is Hot Dog Explorer approved, I am pretty sure a group of cardiologists will lobby to get the AMA to ban this dog. My opinion is that if something is going to kill me, I want it to be while I am in the grandstand with a dog in my hand. That’s how I want to go.

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