Regional dog fights pits the titanic twosome of the Lonestar State against each other for a fur-flying showdown of who has the best MLB baseball/hot dog experience in Texas. While Texas is a huge state, both teams are a mere 4 hours apart in the two major metropolitan areas of DFW and Houston. This high plains dog-off will be fierce, with one team pulling out the biggest gun in the west.
I love Houston. I lived there for over three years. I love jogging in a tee-shirt in January, I love the humidity, I love having a ton of entertainment options in the nation’s fourth largest city. The traffic is as horrendous as they say it is, but you gotta sacrifice something for the privilege of living in the Bayou City. The poor hapless Astros have been one of the worst teams in baseball for several years running, and their attendance bears that out. I still like Minute Maid Park, aka “The Juice Box,” because they can close the roof when it gets oppressively hot. It is in a great location as well, and they have a tremendous hot dog selection. If their on field play matched their dogs, they might actually get above .500 someday.
| Dog | Ballpark | Total Dog/Game | ||
| Bun | 5 | Location | 5 | |
| Taste | 4 | Access | 5 | |
| Toppings | 5 | Cleanliness | 5 | |
| Price | 4 | Ambiance | 4 | |
| Portability | 3 | GA Ticket Price | 3 | |
| It Factor | 4 | Fans | 5 | |
| 25 | 27 | 52 |
Meanwhile, in Arlington, the Rangers put up a fair fight until they tear up the Astros by whipping out the biggest, baddest hot dog in all of baseball: the monstrous, several pound, two-foot long beast called the Boomstick. Not only is their ballpark more basebally (yes, I made that word up) but the boomstick is the atomic weapon of regional hot dog fights. Unfair? Perhaps, but you don’t build a nuclear arsenal unless you intend to use it and the boomstick is the processed meat equivalent of a Minuteman II missile. Don’t mess with Texas.
| Dog | Ballpark | Total Dog/Game | ||
| Bun | 4 | Location | 5 | |
| Taste | 3 | Access | 4 | |
| Toppings | 5 | Cleanliness | 5 | |
| Price | 4 | Ambiance | 5 | |
| Portability | 5 | GA Ticket Price | 3 | |
| It Factor | 5 | Fans | 5 | |
| 26 | 27 | 53 |
It's a good thing the Rangers had the nuclear option, they edged out the Astros by one point and it was the "it factor" that put them over the finish line first. The Boomstick won the day for Arlington. You can't go wrong with a game and a dog in either ballpark, but the Rangers have a better overall experience. And if you try to Boomstick DO NOT attempt on your own. Nuclear weapons are painful enough, but they taste really nasty on the way back up. You have been warned.
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