Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Lehigh Valley IronPigs: Hog Dog

Some days you eat the dog, some days the dog eats you. I knew I was going to go toe-to-toe with the Lehigh Valley IronPigs two-foot long meat monster a week ago. Being no fool (at least in matters of processed meat), I called in reinforcements. I met my aunt Tressa and Uncle Bob at Coca Cola park to assist me in ridding the planet of this meat menace (at least one of them).

The Hog Dog is a 24-inch Alpine frank covered in chili, beer cheese sauce, bacon and fried onion straws served on a french roll the length of a Cadillac. The sheer size of it requires that it comes in its own special box. It’s big. This thing is so huge it should have its own TV show. And the thing is damn delicious. Results: one disappeared, oversized dog and three stuffed fans.

Uncle Bob and Aunt Tressa: Monster Killers
Appeal-this thing has a reputation, but the IronPigs need to do better in promoting it. Hog Dog doesn’t cut it. A monster like that needs a monster name. How about Hogzilla? 4.5

Ingredients-the above mentioned toppings are all tasty and plentiful. Eat it as it is served. No additional topping required. 5

Uniqueness-the sheer size of it makes if somewhat unique, especially in the minor leagues. 5

Monstrosity Factor-off the scale. 5

Value-scary at $25, but it comes sliced for 5 fans. Do the math. $5 for a loaded dog is a good deal. Pepto Bismol costs extra. 5

Overall Taste-downright delicious. With a dog of that magnitude, a team would be tempted to skimp on quality. No so in Coca Cola Park. 5
Eating this dog is an event in itself and the overall score of 29.5, which is nearly perfect, reflects the unique ballpark experience it entails. For a dog that could feed ⅓ of the population of Guatemala (or me and two of my relatives), it deserves the notoriety that it gets. Just change the name.

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