Toronto Blue Jays: Footlong Hot Dog

The hunt for the most monstrous dog in the MLB goes international. I love visiting Toronto, the only MLB team not in the United States. Cool city and a unique ballpark. Know what I don’t like? The border crossing. I have crossed dozens of borders in my lifetime, including Russia and other not-so-nice places. Facing the Canadian border patrol is the only place on the globe I feel like I am being interrogated by the Gestapo, and I always end up walking away like I am guilty of something, I just haven’t figured out what yet. I don’t know whether to be annoyed or wish that our border security could be as tough.

I ended up at the Rogers Centre without a trip to the immigration detention facility and snagged a sweet seat just behind home plate, albeit about 20,000 feet up. I was treated to a grand slam and a few other homers before I had to bag it out of Canada. What you may not know about Canadians is that they are gagagoogoo for pizza. The Canucks eat more pizza than any other MLB fans. With that, you would think they would have some super dog that is the talk of Toronto in their meat lineup. What they do have is a footlong Schneider’s frank that is grilled at a specialty stand. Not only is it long, it is thick. Lots of meat in this frank. But ultimately, it had issues. Take a look at the photos, it is the picture of what seems the perfect dog. But read on dear reader.

Appeal-being advertised as a footlong doesn’t help. Despite the truth in advertising it needs a name that shakes the cobwebs. How about “The Titanic Toronto Treat?” 4

Ingredients-this is where the real trouble starts. The foundation of a good dog is a nice soft but. This bun was very stale. I informed the vendors, and they explained that the buns had been frozen and there was nothing they could do about it. They were apologetic, but apologies taste lousy on a bun. 3

Uniqueness-it’s a footlong. 2.5

Monstrosity Factor-if you didn’t come too hungry, one dog will dog you. It is a large frank, and if you pile on the toppings it can be a meal. 3.5

Value-the price of $7.60 (US) would be a deal if the bun were fresh. 4

Overall Taste-I had to slather on some chipotle sauce to make up for the dry, stale bun. It was actually pretty tasty if the bun soaked up enough sauce. You know what happens when your bun is stale? The bun splits and you lose your ingredients. 3.5

APPEAL	4
INGREDIENTS	3
UNIQUENESS	2.5
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	3,5
VALUE	4
OVERALL TASTE	3.5
TOTAL	17

When you start with a bad bun things go downhill quickly, and that is what drove the overall score of 17 for the Toronto Blue Jays. I will say that that the Rogers Centre has the best selection of condiments in all of baseball. Huge variety and all top quality toppings. If you get a fresh one it would probably be a much better experience then I had. In fact, get two. Hold one for a snack in case the Canadian border patrol place you in the slammer for not being able to recite the last five Stanley Cup winners.

Cincinnati Reds: Queen City Cheddar Sausage

When you hunt large mythical creatures, you have to steel yourself for disappointment. Sometimes you bag Sasquatch, sometimes you get fooled by Nessie. I researched the biggest, baddest dog available at Great American Ballpark, and every indicator pointed toward downing a “Meat Lovers Dog” in order to bag the beast that lurks within the ballpark. One website proclaimed it was the perfect hot dog for men who had no expectations of reaching 50 years of age. Being over 50, I was willing to take my chances...for science of course.

Then the hunt took a turn for the worse. I circled the main concourse THREE times: no joy. Then I did the most unmanly thing a strapping young buck like myself could do: I asked for directions. I queried several hot dog stands and no one had heard of the Meat Lovers Hot Dog. I stopped by fan services and sought assistance. They placed a call to Commissioner Gordon or some other authority figure and came up with the same: no Meat Lovers Hot Dog.

I suppose that is one of the downfalls of the internet, out of date data never gets purged. At some point this meaty monster was available for consumption by the the average fan, but I’ll be damned if I could find it. The phone call placed by fan services steered me to the Queen City Sausage realm. In case you didn’t know it, Cincinnati was once the hog slaughtering capital of the United States and is known in some circles as “Porkopolis.” As you know, I love local, and Queen City Sausage is about as local a meat supplier as you can get. So I settled for a Queen City Cheddar Sausage instead of the dogged dog that dodged me. It was like hunting for a moose and ending up with a rabbit.

Appeal-Locals rave about Queen City Sausage, and it just sounded good. A locally made cheesy sausage on a bun. 5

Ingredients-the sausage was superb. The bun was kind of mushy and the condiments were sparse and troublesome. I put relish and brown mustard on mine. The relish was sort of watery and the pump brown mustard was nearly empty so my tenth pump blasted way too much of the stuff at about 1000 psi onto my dog. See picture. 3.5

Uniqueness-other than it sporting a great local choice of meat, nothing unique about this dog.

Monstrosity Factor-when I think brat or sausage on a bun, I think gigantic. This was about the same size as a regular hot dog. 3

Value-a sausage on a bun for $6.75 at an MLB venue is not bad. But I still needed a Skyline five-way to satisfy my hunger. 4

Overall Taste-putting the overdose of mustard and weak relish aside, the locals really do know what they are talking about when it come to pig. The Queen City Sausage was a top notch, natural casing wurst. 5

APPEAL	5
INGREDIENTS	3.5
UNIQUENESS	2.5
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	3
VALUE	4
OVERALL TASTE	5
TOTAL	23

The Reds are fortunate to pull out a 23 considering a visiting fan would have their sights set on a monster dog. I recommend bringing it back, or introducing an oversized Queen City variant. Something to compete with other ballparks. With the reputation that Cincy has with pork, they should capitalize on that relationship and introduce a dog that would satisfy a small army. Until then, I will be looking for leprechauns along the banks of the Ohio.

Lexington Legends: All-Star BBQ Dog

Kevin Dolphin and his pack of dogs

Checking out the red hots in the Bluegrass State at Whitaker Bank Ballpark. I was confused at first then I saw the stadium marquee. When I saw “Legend” I thought they knew I was visiting and it was a personal greeting. Turns out the the team’s name is the Lexington Legends. Honest mistake.

For a single A team in the South Atlantic League they put out an impressive array of three specialty dogs. Their GM Kevin Dolphin took me through their specialty selection that includes a Diablo Dog, Chicago Dog and the All-Star BBQ Dog. I chose the All-Star because Kevin explained that it pays homage to their parent organization, the Kansas City Royals. I love connections like that...almost as I love double-meat hot dogs.

Appeal-something about piling BBQ meat on top of a hot dog that makes my mouth water….and my pants tighter. 4.5

Ingredients-I love coleslaw on a dog. And the pickles were a nice touch. 4.5

Uniqueness-the Kansas City Royals connection gives it a boost, as well as a better moniker than just “BBQ Dog.” Topping with pickles is rarely done. 4

Monstrosity Factor-this dog goes more vertical than horizontal in the monstrosity factor. One dog will usually suffice but depending on how hungry you are you might need a bag of peanuts to top you off. 4

Value-at $6.50 this dog is a great ballpark bargain. 5

Overall Taste-absolutely delicious. 5

APPEAL	4.5
INGREDIENTS	4.5
UNIQUENESS	4
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	4
VALUE	5
OVERALL TASTE	5
TOTAL	27

When a single A team can pull in an overall score of 27 you know they are doing something right. The weird part? I was trying to down my dog while watching the players warm up and ended up dumping some of it because I was swatting at a bee of some sort. Who were the Legends playing that night? The Augusta Greenjackets

Northwest Arkansas Naturals: Italian Sausage

Nothing beats Texas League action at the AA level on a hot midwest night. Most of the league has nice, new ballparks and cozy confines that serve up some delicious dogs. The Northwest Arkansas Naturals have been in my sights for some time since they often play in Tulsa. I finally pinned them down to a date and set my sights on Arvest Ballpark in Springdale, just up the street from Fayetteville; a town that supposedly has a good college football team, although I have never heard of them.

I was able to speak briefly to the General Manager, and it looks like I missed the specialty dog boat. The Naturals offer up a third of a pound frank topped with a choice of five of the following: lettuce, tomato, American cheese, grilled onions, diced onions, cheddar cheese sauce, cole slaw, sauerkraut, and applewood bacon. With a selection like that you could play Picasso of Processed Meat and create your own work of art in a bun. Unfortunately, that dog is not available every night, and being on a Sunday and a kids eat free day, I was relegated to trying the the next biggest thing: the Italian Sausage.

Appeal-after seeing what could have been, I was despondent. So depressed that I was considering a slice of pizza. But I snapped out of it and opted for the the Italian sausage. It looked pretty tasty sizzling on the grill. 3.5

Ingredients-a Johnsonville sausage paired with grilled onions and sauerkraut. 4

Uniqueness-most ballparks are doing the brat/sausage with grilled kraut and onions. 3

Monstrosity Factor-it wasn’t a small dog, but not overly large either. 3

Value-A little pricey at $7.50. 3

Overall Taste-nice soft bun and a tasty sausage. I enjoyed it. 4

APPEAL	3.5
INGREDIENTS	4
UNIQUENESS	3
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	3
VALUE	3
OVERALL TASTE	4
TOTAL	20.5

I wish I had the opportunity to try the build your own specialty dog. The Naturals would have undoubtedly scored higher than 20.5 out of 30. But, I have to get what I can when at the ballpark. Missing out on that dog gives me an excuse to return to Arvest Ballpark to see another game. Which I will, Naturally.

Oklahoma City Dodgers: The Porker

Did you hear that the Dodgers moved to Oklahoma City? Well, their AAA did anyway. Last year, players one step away from Dodger big league dreams practiced their vocation in Albuquerque, NM. For the 2015 season the Los Angeles Dodgers moved their triple A club to Oklahoma City. With it they rammed the Dodgers moniker down the throat of the local ballclub so that last year’s RedHawks are this year’s Dodgers. As if changing stadium names every few years isn’t confusing enough.

I was there last year to sample the regular hot dog. Not much has changed besides the team name. It is still a fabulous baseball venue in the best part of Oklahoma City. The specialty dogs in OKC can be found in one of two Franx stands within the ballpark. They offer up a Chicago Dog, Coney, and a BLT dog. I opted for their Porker because I have a thing for double-meat dogs. It has a Ballpark brand frank, shredded pork and coleslaw topped with BBQ sauce. What is not to like about that.

Appeal-with pulled pork and coleslaw, my Appalachian roots could not resist testing this dog. 4

Ingredients-zesty BBQ sauce and fresh coleslaw helped out.  The pulled pork was delicious, but the Ballpark frank was just average. 3.5

Uniqueness-a few teams do the pulled pork dog, but not that many. It is a good addition to any dog lineup. 4

Monstrosity Factor-I had originally intended to mark this category a little low as I studied the picture of the dog displayed at the concession stand. Then they handed me the dog. While not piled high, I have seen rivers not nearly as wide. A fork dog to be sure and one will do you. 4

Value-outstanding value at $6. It should be the only food you need to buy at the ballpark. 5

Overall Taste-pretty darn good. The frank could have been better, and the bun a little softer, but overall I was pleased. 4

APPEAL	4
INGREDIENTS	3.5
UNIQUENESS	4
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	4
VALUE	5
OVERALL TASTE	4
TOTAL	24.5

A score of 24.5 is a decent showing for the Dodgers of the future. The specialty dog out on the American Plains is anything but plain. With about a half of a pig on the bun, along with other condiments you won’t go hungry at whatever they are calling the ballpark in Oklahoma City these days. Maybe it is the same as last year, but with so many stadium name changes I was too beat down to check. But you should check it out, and down a dog while at it. Let me know the name of the ballpark.

Santa Fe Fuego: Fuego Dog

My first encounter with the cuisine inside the independent Pecos League. And I made it in a nick of time. The league is a short-season confederation making catching a game a rarer affair than in ballparks associated with the MLB, and I caught my hometown Santa Fe Fuego playing one their last games of 2015. They play at Fort Marcy Park, which is kind of like a rundown high school field, but with a cooler grandstand.

I was not expecting much, particularly since some single A, MLB-affiliated teams have had some sparse offerings. But the Fuego surprised the Hot Dog Explorer. They have a few dogs in their lineup with the specialty dog being the ⅓ pound Fuego Chile Cheese Dog, known henceforth as the Fuego Dog. It sports a nearly six-ounce frank, beans, red chile and queso cheese.

Appeal-New Mexico is known for its red and green chilies, and topping the local dog off with a local favorite is a hit. 4

Ingredients-the Fuego know enough about putting out a quality product that they use Nathan’s hot dog. One of my favorites (right after a Hebrew National). 4

Uniqueness-the chili cheese thing is all over baseball. Tossing in the red chili is the only thing that sets this dog apart. 4

Monstrosity Factor-a nice sized dog, but nothing huge. 3.5

Value-pricey at $8. 3

Overall Taste-pleasing to the palate, especially when I was expecting a cold Oscar Meyer on a stale bun. 4

APPEAL	4
INGREDIENTS	4
UNIQUENESS	4
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	3.5
VALUE	3
OVERALL TASTE	4
TOTAL	22.5

An overall score of 22.5 will not win any medals, but as an independent ballclub, the Santa Fe Fuego can be proud of having specialty dog that holds it own with many MLB minor league clubs. I am glad I was able to catch a game before they wrapped up the 2015 season. Even in the spartan trappings of Fort Marcy Park, a dog in hand taste better when hardball is on the field.

Twisters, Moving Vans and the Wayback Machine

Wonder why I haven’t been to a ballpark lately? In a nutshell I am taking a small break while I prepare to move. That’s right, the Hot Dog Explorer is pulling up the tent pegs and headin’ west. My stint in the midwest is, after nearly seven years, over. My time here was fun. The midwest loves baseball and hot dogs. I won’t miss the twisters though. I lived smack dab in the middle of tornado alley. The only thing scarier than a tornado is trying to decide whether to eat a hot dog with a frank that was prepared after its “best served by” date.

I am headed to the high desert. Santa Fe, New Mexico to be exact. I know you probably thought I would head to Roswell to wait for the mothership to return. I would, but I have acclimated to this planet so well I have decided to stay. The good news is: Sonoran Hot Dogs. The bad news: very little baseball in the area. I am about to become very acquainted with the independent Pecos League. I’ll keep you filled in.

Fulton County Stadium

I begin the last leg of my trip to hit the remaining seven MLB ballparks and a slew of of MiLB stadiums on August 1. Look for the blog posts to come fast and furious the first part of August. And, I have a large backlog of Hot Dog Hot Spots to share with you after my trip.

In the meantime, I was pondering the the ballparks I have visited in the past but no longer either exist or host baseball teams. I don’t want to imply that I am old, but here is a list of former baseball stadiums in which I have seen a game and had a dog:

Three Rivers Stadium-Pittsburgh Pirates

Astrodome-Houston Astros

Olympic Stadium-Montreal Expos

Joe Robbie Stadium-Florida Marlins

Fulton County Stadium-Atlanta Braves

Veterans Stadium-Philadelphia Phillies

Old Yankee Stadium-New York Yankees

Jack Murphy Stadium-San Diego Padres
Candlestick Park-San Francisco Giants

Kingdome-Seattle Mariners

Additionally, I did see a game in Memorial Stadium in Baltimore. But it was a Baltimore Colts football game.

You know what I miss about those old ballparks? Very little. We did baseball a favor by bulldozing those places and replacing them with slicker, new facilities. And since then, I believe those ballparks have upped their hot dog game as well. There are better and more creative selections. For a reason I have not discovered, old ballparks can’t compete in hot dog tastiness. Case in point: Fenway Park. Great old ballpark...terrible hot dog.

Astrodome

My favorite of the old ballparks that no longer have baseball? Probably the Astrodome. When I was a kid it was billed as the “Eighth Wonder of the World.” It was big and cool and modern. Today it is dwarfed by the football stadium next to it, and retractable roofs are way cooler. What those parks did have in their favor were the fans. They actually came to watch the ballgame.

Have a favorite park that you have visited that no longer has a team that calls it home? Tell us about it.