Kinston Down East Wood Duck: The Red Hot

With all of the shiny new ballparks with corporate related names that I have been visiting lately, it was nice to hit an old historic diamond that has changed little over the years. And it was an extra treat to catch an 11:00 am start. Although it has received a few updates, Grainger Stadium remains relatively like it was when it opened in 1949. It has a covered grandstand that is protected by a large, overhanging roof and a few seats on the first base side along with a set of bleachers on the third base side. The best part about going old school? You don't have all of that fancy equipment to maintain and you can pass on the saving to fans. Parking was FREE and a bleacher seat set me back all of three bucks. I'll take that over a high definition scoreboard and fancy eats any day. One caveat: I will personally donate money to help fund a new sound system. You have to be first in something, and Kinston ranks first on the list of worst sound systems in baseball. Then there is their name: the Down East Wood Ducks. Huh?

They say timing is everything, and mine was really bad during my visit. I am very much married to team schedules and geography when planning my baseball road trips and this day at Grainger Stadium saw me catching a game on kids day. I have nothing against kids; until you pack busloads of them in a ballpark. After changing seats in search of kidless solitude, I finally left in the fifth inning. No ballgame, no matter how cheap, is worth that kind of torture.

As you might expect in an old school ballpark, the concessions are old school as well. There is a hot dog, chili dog and a red hot. I was told the red hot was spicy, so naturally I tempted fate and chose that dog. At $4.50 the price was ok but not a bargain. It was a good tasting dog, and probably the freshest bun I have had on this trip. However, the frank was far from spicy. Those dreaded packets of mustard and relish are all the acceptable condiments available, although the concessionaires will put onions on it if asked. All of the franks are made by Texas Chili.

Kinston is a super small town for a minor league venue. That makes it a unique experience. Throw in a historic ballpark and very affordable entry and you end up with a must stop on your baseball adventure. Although I do recommend checking the Wood Ducks schedule to ensure you skip kids day, and bring some ear plugs to mute out that horrid sound system. 

Columbia Fireflies: Vidalian Dog

Yet another minor league club acknowledges the fact that hot dogs can be exciting. The Columbia Fireflies put on the dog big time during my visit. Firstly, it was two dollar hot dog night. Secondly, all of their dog's use Nathan's Famous franks, which is my second favorite brand (right behind Hebrew National), and lastly they have a stand the allows fans to explore the outer edges of the hot dog spectrum.

Tucked into the the far third base side concourse, closer to the outfield, is the Foul Ball Franks stand. There, fans can sink their choppers into a Taco Dog, Drunken Chili Cheese Dog, Frito Dog or the Famously Hot Dog. All come in a regular size for $5 or footlong versions for $7. I chose the Vidalian (like the Vidalia onions) Dog. It is a dog covered in french cut fried onions and BBQ sauce. It left me satisfied, although not full, and breath that kept other fans at a distance. Bravo to the Fireflies for keeping concessions edgy.

The ballpark itself is called Spirit Communications Park, at least until they find another sponsors in the future. Did I mention I hate corporate sponsor ballpark names (like 98.6% of other baseball fans)? It is a slick newer park with a nice layout including my favorite which are open concourses that keep fans engaged when they sprint off for some food or drink. If the two-buck dogs didn't pack in the fans, it was one of their players. Former NFL quarterback and celebrity phenomenon Tim Tebow plays for the team. While he continuously improves, and I am pulling for him, I predict he will have a future in the broadcast booth and not on an MLB diamond. Still not a bad gig.

The fireflies mascot is a....wait for it....firefly. Not too imaginative. But his name, Mason (as in mason jar, like you collect fireflies in) is the essence of cleverness.

Parking was five bucks in an unpaved section, and tickets are another five for the grass berm or nine smackers for a cheap actual seat. The price of the specialty dogs is a bargain, and the overall cost of a Fireflies game is very reasonable.

Forget Tebow, get on down to the ballpark with the corporate name if you are in Columbia and scarf a dog or two. Try the Famously Hot Dog and let me know if it leaves blisters on your tongue.

Greenville Drive: Mac & Cheese Dog

After two disappointing hot dog ventures to minor league ballparks, I finally get an infusion of hot dog enthusiasm by the way of the Greenville Drive. Even though this small South Carolina city host a mere single A team, they go major league when it comes to hot dogs.

You can get the typical fare on a bun: regular and chili cheese (also known as the Drive Dog), but proving that a little imagination can turn a simple concessions offering into a party for your palate, the Drive also offer the “Hot Dog of the Month.” The monthly lineup includes hot dogs named: bacon cheddar ranch, Chicago, smokehouse, Pittsburgh, Carolina, Hot Tot and the mac & cheese.

I was really up for tasting a Hot Tot dog that includes tater tots, but alas, it was Mac & Cheese month. I have had several mac & cheese dogs at numerous venues, and have even made some of my own. They are difficult to get just right. If the mac & cheese is too cheesy the topping is overly messy and never stays on the bun. Greenville gets it right. Their mac is just cheesy enough and the cheese is a not as moist, which means it does a better job than most at staying on the hot dog instead of ending up on your seat, shirt and surrounding fans. It was also quite tasty. Many times the mac & cheese can overpower the rest of the dog but the Greenville version is nearly perfect. All versions of their hot dogs used Carolina Pride franks.

The real lesson here is simple. The dog of the month is just their regular dog with some unique and fun toppings, and at $5.50 a fair bargain. That means other teams can offer at least a few exciting dogs to spice up their menu. Out of ideas? Toss on some Frank's hot sauce and jalapenos and call it a “flamethrower dog.” Baseball food does not have to be boring, and the Greenville Drive have figured that out.

The ballpark itself is a gem. It is a newish facility situated on the west end of downtown. Officially, it is called Fluor Field at the West End. But that is as annoying as someone who uses two surnames. Just call it Fluor Field and be done with it. Across the street is the home that Shoeless Joe Jackson passed away in, along with a museum in his honor. The cool part is is the Greenville version of Fenway Park's green monster in left field; complete with manual scoreboard. Fitting since the Drive are a Red Sox affiliate. If you are lucky, a Norfolk Southern train will cruise by the tracks just beyond the right field wall, blaring its horn much to the annoyance of the outfielders.

Greenville is a must see stop on any baseball road trip. It is $9 for the cheapest actual seat ($7 for the berm) and $5 to park. Arrive early and tour Greenville's picturesque downtown. Then, enjoy a dog of the month at Fluor Field. If you are fortunate enough to get a Hot Tot Dog, let me know how it is. 

Gwinnett Braves: Regular Hot Dog

I finally chased down the opportunity to take in a Gwinnett Braves game, called the G-Braves in local lingo. The stadium, Cool Ray Field, is actually in Lawrenceville, a far, far suburb of Atlanta.

The ballpark is unique, it is relatively new and has no clearly defined front like most venues. There is a main entrance, it just doesn't look like one. It is pretty typical on the inside, with it's most unusual feature being the condos just beyond the outfield concourse. Residents there can float in their pool and watch the game. I plan on getting one of the units as soon as you guys buy 500,000 copies of my book. You are buying my book aren't you? In case you forgot, it is Gone to the Dogs: In Search of the Best Ballpark Hot Dog. It's available on Amazon, and dare I mention that it is never too early to begin thinking of what you are going to get the baseball fan in your life for Christmas.

Braves mascot Chopper

On to the dog. There is the simple hot dog, and a chili cheese version of the same. The G-Braves use a Ballpark Frank brand wiener which I consider a decent choice, but not a top-tier pick. The bun was fresh and the condiments were pretty sparse. Only pump mustard and relish. A few other toppings were available at the condiments station, but none that belong on a hot dog. I also chose the regular dog over the chili and cheese version. One, because I hate that sports arena nacho cheese stuff (which I wonder if there is any real cheese in) and two, I have a whole lot of hot dogs to eat in the near future. I'd like to finish the trip without having to buy new pants.

I paid nine bucks for the cheapest actual seat in the ballpark. Slightly cheaper versions are available if you want to sit on the grass berm. Parking is five clams. Attendance was shockingly low for this early in the season on a Sunday afternoon in great weather. Particularly with the MLB Braves sucking so bad that some of the players you witness at a G-Braves game will certainly be on the big club roster in the very near future.

Wrapping it up: not a bad tasting but mundane dog, decent price seats, nice but kind of odd looking ballpark. I'd recommend a game. 

Port Charlotte Stone Crabs: Jumbo Hot Dog

IT'S BASEBALL SEASON!!! And that means it is time for a baseball road trip. I am starting early this year because....well, no reason really, it just turned out that way. I missed spring training this year but am making up for it with a whirlwind tour of the southeast. If you live in the area, let me know if you are up for a game and I will send you my schedule. Hell, I'll even let you buy me a hot dog. Also, if you have any local hot dog hot spots you can recommend, get in touch.

I start this year in Florida. I was in the Sunshine State celebrating my dad's 80th birthday. So naturally, I took him to the opening day game for the local Port Charlotte Stone Crabs. They play in the spring training facility for the Tampa Bay Rays, so I was expecting some really cool hot dogs to be offered. 

I was disappointed in the choices. It was a regular dog or a jumbo dog. The good news is they use a Kayem brand dog, which is a pretty good choice. And the jumbo version is a quarter pound feast that fills you up and goes down easy. Condiment choices were also sparse. I know it is hard for single A teams to sport a monster dog, but something unique to the team or area always makes a meal at the ballpark special. Stone Crabs, if you are listening, I can help.

The ballpark is clean and spacious, it doesn't have an open concourse so you miss some of the action while in the concessions line. And the parking lot is not paved. The best seats set you back $9.50 and it is $4 to park making an outing at Port Charlotte Sports Park affordable. 

Not a memorable game, except that I was able to catch it with my pops. And a day at the ballpark with my dad is special no matter the action on the field. 

Hot Dog Hot Spot: Burger King (really)

In yet another foray into the land of commercial wiener vending, I brave a trip to Burger King to test their grilled hot dog. The franchise made big waves in the world of hot dogs last year when they added wieners to their burger-heavy menu. It sort of made sense, after all, both are items you would grill in your backyard. Still, early reviews were not promising. But, I wanted to give the chain a fair shake, so after finishing my virtual baseball tour, and with my trusty dog in tow, I headed for the drive-thru of my local Burger King.

Let's begin with what they do right. The dogs are served in a cardboard coffin like you would receive your dog in at Yankee Stadium. These containers ensure that your hot dog arrives intact and helps with a smooth transition from the drive-thru window to the interior of your car. My dog was salivating so the aroma must be alluring...at least to canines.

Upon opening the box I nearly screamed. Ketchup. They put ketchup on their hot dog. No one over the age of twelve should be able to put ketchup on a hot dog and keep a clear conscience. If you do this, and are an adult, please stop eating hot dogs right now; your are desecrating what Americans hold dear.

Burger King does put their franks on a fresh bun, and the meat is split down the middle to ensure an even grill throughout. The condiments added automatically includes relish, mustard, onions and of course the silly ketchup. Then I bit in and savored the taste while my drooling pet watched.

The verdict. Not a great dog...but not a terrible one either. I'd give it a solid five on a scale of ten. I wasn't expecting much, but at least it was warm, fresh and didn't taste like llama ass. Additionally, it was kind of small and cost over two bucks after tax. My recommendation would be if you want a hot dog, seek out a local hot dog cart. If you want a fast food burger then Burger King is a decent option. Hot dogs, are not, and will never be, their forte. When you have burger in your business name, stick to what you do best and leave the hot dogs for the experts. My dog on the other hand, gives it five stars and was ready for her own.

Now that I have momentarily worshipped the false idol of a burger chain drive-thru hot dog, I am born again and back to hitting real hot dog hot spots. The next time I am at Burger King, I am getting fries. 

Hot Dog Hot Spot: COSTCO

I finally got around to it. After several years of running around the country rating hot dogs, I finally sampled the vaunted COSTCO hot dog. I cannot tell you how many hundreds of people who, after finding out I was the hot dog guy, asked if I had tried the dog at the bulk buyer's mecca.

I am not a COSTCO member, so I never had an opportunity. Plus, I rarely buy in bulk so a membership would not be in my best interest. I thought about just asking if I could buy a dog in their cafeteria, surely a man with my wiener wherewithal could open that door. But, I never got around to it. COSTCO it seemed, would always be there so why rush it.

Suddenly, just like the arrival of the deadline for filing income tax, it was upon me: an opportunity to gain access to a COSTCO and grab a dog. I was tagging along for some shopping and a stop at the giant wholesaler was in the schedule. While my companions snapped up deals, I saddled up to the cafeteria counter and ordered what everyone had been raving about: the COSTCO hot dog meal. It is a quarter pound dog on a bun. You also get an empty cup to fill at the fountain drink dispenser. The hot dog condiments (mustard, relish and onions) are in the seating area. All of this for the awesome price of $1.50.

It is a hefty dog, I will give them that. Add a generous portion of all three condiments and you got a pretty big dog there. I was ready to bite in and experience the nirvana that so many before me had enjoyed.

Apparently, COSTCO used to use Hebrew National franks for their dogs. Now, they use their own brand called Kirkland. Being a Hebrew National fanboy, I had high expectations for a frank that could displace my beloved HN all-beef meat torpedo. The texture of the dog was firm and tasted decent. Slightly salty, as a hot dog should be. The bun was fresh, the condiments acceptable. Although, I do think COSTCO made a mistake replacing the HN frank.

All in all, eating the COSTCO hot dog was sort of like the first time I had sex: I was expecting so much more, and it was over in a few minutes. At least I remember the hot dog's name.

Now that I have been to the hot dog holy land and returned, I can say that the whole COSTCO hot dog experience was...meh. A decent dog. What I think gets everyone excited is the deal. This is a big dog (I could only eat about 80% of it), and a drink for a buck and a half. That is a steal. If you are looking for a cheap lunch that involves a hot dog, it doesn't bet much better than that.

I am glad I finally checked that off of my hot dog bucket list. Given another opportunity, and if I was trapped inside of COSTCO while others shopped and was hungry, I'd do it again. But I won't be applying for membership any time soon.