Akron Rubber Ducks: The Three Dog Night

For those of you lacking in American history, here is a lesson. Akron, Ohio was once pretty much the rubber capital of the world. It still holds it own and most of your tires are made in the area. It also used to be home to a large number of toy factories, most of which were made of….rubber. The blown mould toy was invented there (the kind that is hollow inside, usually with an annoying squeaker in it) and the first toy made like that was the venerable rubber duck. The small, yellow kind you secretly have when you bathe. So it should come as no surprise to you the Akron’s minor league baseball team is called…...the Rubber Ducks.

Yeah, I was laughing too….until I saw their specialty dog. Akron proved that they are not only clever in naming their baseball team but their specialty dog as well. It is a kielbasa that is sliced open and a bratwurst is laid inside. The brat is also sliced open and a hot dog in inside of the brat. It is a three-meat monster that is called The Three Dog Night. Awesome name no?

Appeal-how could you not want to try this dog with all of its meaty goodness and interesting name? 5

Ingredients-all top quality meats served on a soft bun with kraut and jalapenos. I have seen party platters with less meat on it. 5

Uniqueness-this is only the second team (the other being the Minnesota Twins) that offers up the hot dog version of the turducken. 5

Monstrosity Factor-it looked pretty big when they brought it out. I figured I would give it a 4.5 since it didn’t look like something I couldn’t handle. Then I picked it up. That is a HEAVY hot dog. In the end I could only eat about 80% of it. 5

Value-This is a deal at $9.50. It is more dog than you can handle and will be the only thing you eat for 24 hours. Best to share with a friend if you are not a glutton like myself. 5

Overall Taste-meat and more meat. The only thing keeping this dog from getting a perfect score is the kraut. Love the kraut, but the juice soaked the bun and made it soggy. I would recommend grilling the kraut to dry it out a bit for the perfect specialty dog. 4.5

APPEAL	5
INGREDIENTS	5
UNIQUENESS	5
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	5
VALUE	5
OVERALL TASTE	4.5
TOTAL	29.5

WOW! A nearly perfect specialty dog at  a minor league park. An overall score of 29.5 out of 30 is very impressive. It shows what a team can do if some thought is put into their dog. Akron pulls off a major upset on many major league teams with this dog.

It should also be noted that the Akron Rubber Ducks have one of the best and most affordable venues in minor league baseball. Very reasonable tickets and concessions, and a great downtown ballpark with friendly fans. I should also say I feel I have let you down. I know I told you I would check out the Delly Dog that was detailed in a Hot Dog Alert in this blog, but after the Three Dog Night it made me ill to think of eating another bite of anything. In short, the Rubber Duck specialty dog kicked my ass. And speaking of asses, get yours down to Canal Park in Akron and see a game. You won’t be disappointed.

Erie Seawolves: Footlong Hot Dog

Shiver me timbers! Another day, another footlong. If I keep this up I will have eaten a mile of dogs in no time. Which had me wondering on my drive along the Lake Erie coast: what do they call footlongs in countries with the metric system?

Sidetracked by sirens singing the song of beer near the block party that happens every summer Thursday in Erie, I finally made it into Jerry Uht Park to watch the Seawolves for a few innings. Apparently, if in the Erie area, you are supposed to be enamored with Smith’s brand hot dogs. My lunch at a local hot dog shack served them and so does the Seawolves’ stadium. The locals rave about those dogs.

Choices included a few types of sausage, the regular hot dog and the footlong. The footlong is as wild as it gets in Erie, so I plunked down my doubloons and scurried off with my loot of links.

Appeal-when your specialty dog is just a footlong, no matter how good it tastes, it is hard to get excited. 2.5

Ingredients-the Smith’s frank is damn tasty, and the bun was fresh. A little sparse on available toppings. 3.5

Uniqueness-pretty much every MLB and MiLB park has a footlong. 2

Monstrosity Factor-long, but not that thick. I could have easily had two. 3

Value-slightly overpriced at $6.25. Score would have been better if one would suffice as a meal. 4

Overall Taste-like the locals foretold, it was a delight to eat. 5

APPEAL	2.5
INGREDIENTS	3.5
UNIQUENESS	2
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	3
VALUE	4
OVERALL TASTE	5
TOTAL	20

Without a specialty dog that grabs the attention of consumers, it is hard to crack the 20s on the dog-o-meter. And 20 is what the Seawolves clock in at. They did celebrate National Hot Dog Day (thank you Seawolves) by offering a pirate-inspired Scallywag Dog that was a half of a pound frank with bacon, peppers and onions as well as shredded cheddar cheese. THAT is the dog I want to eat when I hit the gates at Jerry Uht Park. I hope they consider bringing it back full time. A signature dog that embraces the team’s seafaring notoriety would boost its score, and have fans plundering the concession stand.

Toronto Blue Jays: Footlong Hot Dog

The hunt for the most monstrous dog in the MLB goes international. I love visiting Toronto, the only MLB team not in the United States. Cool city and a unique ballpark. Know what I don’t like? The border crossing. I have crossed dozens of borders in my lifetime, including Russia and other not-so-nice places. Facing the Canadian border patrol is the only place on the globe I feel like I am being interrogated by the Gestapo, and I always end up walking away like I am guilty of something, I just haven’t figured out what yet. I don’t know whether to be annoyed or wish that our border security could be as tough.

I ended up at the Rogers Centre without a trip to the immigration detention facility and snagged a sweet seat just behind home plate, albeit about 20,000 feet up. I was treated to a grand slam and a few other homers before I had to bag it out of Canada. What you may not know about Canadians is that they are gagagoogoo for pizza. The Canucks eat more pizza than any other MLB fans. With that, you would think they would have some super dog that is the talk of Toronto in their meat lineup. What they do have is a footlong Schneider’s frank that is grilled at a specialty stand. Not only is it long, it is thick. Lots of meat in this frank. But ultimately, it had issues. Take a look at the photos, it is the picture of what seems the perfect dog. But read on dear reader.

Appeal-being advertised as a footlong doesn’t help. Despite the truth in advertising it needs a name that shakes the cobwebs. How about “The Titanic Toronto Treat?” 4

Ingredients-this is where the real trouble starts. The foundation of a good dog is a nice soft but. This bun was very stale. I informed the vendors, and they explained that the buns had been frozen and there was nothing they could do about it. They were apologetic, but apologies taste lousy on a bun. 3

Uniqueness-it’s a footlong. 2.5

Monstrosity Factor-if you didn’t come too hungry, one dog will dog you. It is a large frank, and if you pile on the toppings it can be a meal. 3.5

Value-the price of $7.60 (US) would be a deal if the bun were fresh. 4

Overall Taste-I had to slather on some chipotle sauce to make up for the dry, stale bun. It was actually pretty tasty if the bun soaked up enough sauce. You know what happens when your bun is stale? The bun splits and you lose your ingredients. 3.5

APPEAL	4
INGREDIENTS	3
UNIQUENESS	2.5
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	3,5
VALUE	4
OVERALL TASTE	3.5
TOTAL	17

When you start with a bad bun things go downhill quickly, and that is what drove the overall score of 17 for the Toronto Blue Jays. I will say that that the Rogers Centre has the best selection of condiments in all of baseball. Huge variety and all top quality toppings. If you get a fresh one it would probably be a much better experience then I had. In fact, get two. Hold one for a snack in case the Canadian border patrol place you in the slammer for not being able to recite the last five Stanley Cup winners.

Cincinnati Reds: Queen City Cheddar Sausage

When you hunt large mythical creatures, you have to steel yourself for disappointment. Sometimes you bag Sasquatch, sometimes you get fooled by Nessie. I researched the biggest, baddest dog available at Great American Ballpark, and every indicator pointed toward downing a “Meat Lovers Dog” in order to bag the beast that lurks within the ballpark. One website proclaimed it was the perfect hot dog for men who had no expectations of reaching 50 years of age. Being over 50, I was willing to take my chances...for science of course.

Then the hunt took a turn for the worse. I circled the main concourse THREE times: no joy. Then I did the most unmanly thing a strapping young buck like myself could do: I asked for directions. I queried several hot dog stands and no one had heard of the Meat Lovers Hot Dog. I stopped by fan services and sought assistance. They placed a call to Commissioner Gordon or some other authority figure and came up with the same: no Meat Lovers Hot Dog.

I suppose that is one of the downfalls of the internet, out of date data never gets purged. At some point this meaty monster was available for consumption by the the average fan, but I’ll be damned if I could find it. The phone call placed by fan services steered me to the Queen City Sausage realm. In case you didn’t know it, Cincinnati was once the hog slaughtering capital of the United States and is known in some circles as “Porkopolis.” As you know, I love local, and Queen City Sausage is about as local a meat supplier as you can get. So I settled for a Queen City Cheddar Sausage instead of the dogged dog that dodged me. It was like hunting for a moose and ending up with a rabbit.

Appeal-Locals rave about Queen City Sausage, and it just sounded good. A locally made cheesy sausage on a bun. 5

Ingredients-the sausage was superb. The bun was kind of mushy and the condiments were sparse and troublesome. I put relish and brown mustard on mine. The relish was sort of watery and the pump brown mustard was nearly empty so my tenth pump blasted way too much of the stuff at about 1000 psi onto my dog. See picture. 3.5

Uniqueness-other than it sporting a great local choice of meat, nothing unique about this dog.

Monstrosity Factor-when I think brat or sausage on a bun, I think gigantic. This was about the same size as a regular hot dog. 3

Value-a sausage on a bun for $6.75 at an MLB venue is not bad. But I still needed a Skyline five-way to satisfy my hunger. 4

Overall Taste-putting the overdose of mustard and weak relish aside, the locals really do know what they are talking about when it come to pig. The Queen City Sausage was a top notch, natural casing wurst. 5

APPEAL	5
INGREDIENTS	3.5
UNIQUENESS	2.5
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	3
VALUE	4
OVERALL TASTE	5
TOTAL	23

The Reds are fortunate to pull out a 23 considering a visiting fan would have their sights set on a monster dog. I recommend bringing it back, or introducing an oversized Queen City variant. Something to compete with other ballparks. With the reputation that Cincy has with pork, they should capitalize on that relationship and introduce a dog that would satisfy a small army. Until then, I will be looking for leprechauns along the banks of the Ohio.

Lexington Legends: All-Star BBQ Dog

Kevin Dolphin and his pack of dogs

Checking out the red hots in the Bluegrass State at Whitaker Bank Ballpark. I was confused at first then I saw the stadium marquee. When I saw “Legend” I thought they knew I was visiting and it was a personal greeting. Turns out the the team’s name is the Lexington Legends. Honest mistake.

For a single A team in the South Atlantic League they put out an impressive array of three specialty dogs. Their GM Kevin Dolphin took me through their specialty selection that includes a Diablo Dog, Chicago Dog and the All-Star BBQ Dog. I chose the All-Star because Kevin explained that it pays homage to their parent organization, the Kansas City Royals. I love connections like that...almost as I love double-meat hot dogs.

Appeal-something about piling BBQ meat on top of a hot dog that makes my mouth water….and my pants tighter. 4.5

Ingredients-I love coleslaw on a dog. And the pickles were a nice touch. 4.5

Uniqueness-the Kansas City Royals connection gives it a boost, as well as a better moniker than just “BBQ Dog.” Topping with pickles is rarely done. 4

Monstrosity Factor-this dog goes more vertical than horizontal in the monstrosity factor. One dog will usually suffice but depending on how hungry you are you might need a bag of peanuts to top you off. 4

Value-at $6.50 this dog is a great ballpark bargain. 5

Overall Taste-absolutely delicious. 5

APPEAL	4.5
INGREDIENTS	4.5
UNIQUENESS	4
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	4
VALUE	5
OVERALL TASTE	5
TOTAL	27

When a single A team can pull in an overall score of 27 you know they are doing something right. The weird part? I was trying to down my dog while watching the players warm up and ended up dumping some of it because I was swatting at a bee of some sort. Who were the Legends playing that night? The Augusta Greenjackets

Northwest Arkansas Naturals: Italian Sausage

Nothing beats Texas League action at the AA level on a hot midwest night. Most of the league has nice, new ballparks and cozy confines that serve up some delicious dogs. The Northwest Arkansas Naturals have been in my sights for some time since they often play in Tulsa. I finally pinned them down to a date and set my sights on Arvest Ballpark in Springdale, just up the street from Fayetteville; a town that supposedly has a good college football team, although I have never heard of them.

I was able to speak briefly to the General Manager, and it looks like I missed the specialty dog boat. The Naturals offer up a third of a pound frank topped with a choice of five of the following: lettuce, tomato, American cheese, grilled onions, diced onions, cheddar cheese sauce, cole slaw, sauerkraut, and applewood bacon. With a selection like that you could play Picasso of Processed Meat and create your own work of art in a bun. Unfortunately, that dog is not available every night, and being on a Sunday and a kids eat free day, I was relegated to trying the the next biggest thing: the Italian Sausage.

Appeal-after seeing what could have been, I was despondent. So depressed that I was considering a slice of pizza. But I snapped out of it and opted for the the Italian sausage. It looked pretty tasty sizzling on the grill. 3.5

Ingredients-a Johnsonville sausage paired with grilled onions and sauerkraut. 4

Uniqueness-most ballparks are doing the brat/sausage with grilled kraut and onions. 3

Monstrosity Factor-it wasn’t a small dog, but not overly large either. 3

Value-A little pricey at $7.50. 3

Overall Taste-nice soft bun and a tasty sausage. I enjoyed it. 4

APPEAL	3.5
INGREDIENTS	4
UNIQUENESS	3
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	3
VALUE	3
OVERALL TASTE	4
TOTAL	20.5

I wish I had the opportunity to try the build your own specialty dog. The Naturals would have undoubtedly scored higher than 20.5 out of 30. But, I have to get what I can when at the ballpark. Missing out on that dog gives me an excuse to return to Arvest Ballpark to see another game. Which I will, Naturally.

Oklahoma City Dodgers: The Porker

Did you hear that the Dodgers moved to Oklahoma City? Well, their AAA did anyway. Last year, players one step away from Dodger big league dreams practiced their vocation in Albuquerque, NM. For the 2015 season the Los Angeles Dodgers moved their triple A club to Oklahoma City. With it they rammed the Dodgers moniker down the throat of the local ballclub so that last year’s RedHawks are this year’s Dodgers. As if changing stadium names every few years isn’t confusing enough.

I was there last year to sample the regular hot dog. Not much has changed besides the team name. It is still a fabulous baseball venue in the best part of Oklahoma City. The specialty dogs in OKC can be found in one of two Franx stands within the ballpark. They offer up a Chicago Dog, Coney, and a BLT dog. I opted for their Porker because I have a thing for double-meat dogs. It has a Ballpark brand frank, shredded pork and coleslaw topped with BBQ sauce. What is not to like about that.

Appeal-with pulled pork and coleslaw, my Appalachian roots could not resist testing this dog. 4

Ingredients-zesty BBQ sauce and fresh coleslaw helped out.  The pulled pork was delicious, but the Ballpark frank was just average. 3.5

Uniqueness-a few teams do the pulled pork dog, but not that many. It is a good addition to any dog lineup. 4

Monstrosity Factor-I had originally intended to mark this category a little low as I studied the picture of the dog displayed at the concession stand. Then they handed me the dog. While not piled high, I have seen rivers not nearly as wide. A fork dog to be sure and one will do you. 4

Value-outstanding value at $6. It should be the only food you need to buy at the ballpark. 5

Overall Taste-pretty darn good. The frank could have been better, and the bun a little softer, but overall I was pleased. 4

APPEAL	4
INGREDIENTS	3.5
UNIQUENESS	4
MONSTROSITY FACTOR	4
VALUE	5
OVERALL TASTE	4
TOTAL	24.5

A score of 24.5 is a decent showing for the Dodgers of the future. The specialty dog out on the American Plains is anything but plain. With about a half of a pig on the bun, along with other condiments you won’t go hungry at whatever they are calling the ballpark in Oklahoma City these days. Maybe it is the same as last year, but with so many stadium name changes I was too beat down to check. But you should check it out, and down a dog while at it. Let me know the name of the ballpark.