OMG! I'm Gonna Die!

So I am pretty sure I am gonna die of cancer...and soon. At least if you have been watching the media lately you would think it a certainty. The World Health Organization (WHO) is the latest actor in the “hot dogs will kill you” crowd and took their turn beating the drum this week. According the the WHO, eating 1 ¼ hot dogs a day increases your chance of colorectal cancer by 18%.

Firstly, the WHO is part of the United Nations; an organization not exactly known for efficiency or being unbiased. If the UN says something, I automatically question it. Second of all, these people that claim hot dogs are bad for you are scientists. I love science and scientist, but they are also the same people that had no idea Pluto was in our solar system. Then they found it. Then the named it a planet. Then they decided it wasn’t a planet. Then they decided it was a dwarf planet. Then there is coffee. It’s good for you. It isn’t good for you. Sometimes it’s good for you. Then there is that whole “New York City will be underwater due to global warming by 2009” thing. The point is that while they mean well, scientist get it wrong…a lot. Don’t believe me? How’s your local weatherman doing with all that fancy scientific data and gizmos?

Now ponder life without hot dogs. Not a world I want to live in. Plus, who eats 1 ¼ hot dogs every day? Even during my last two summers of downing dogs at ballparks I averaged a hot dog every three days by the end of the year. And I am certain I am on the high end of the hot dog consumption spectrum.

So am I worried? I am actually more concerned about being killed in a freak vending machine accident than I am getting cancer from processed meat. And you should be too. Want to worry about something that could kill you? Lookup vehicle death statistics. And if the UN wants to do something to really help humankind, they should take on tobacco and leave the mainstay of ballpark cuisine alone.

hey, I only eat one dog a game anyway

Who wants to live forever anyway? You could lock yourself in your house and eat oatmeal three meals a day. Or, you could live a little and grab a dog or two now and again.

Hey we are all going to die, and when I drop dead I want to be in the bleachers at PNC Park with a dog in my hand.